A Lexiphile?!

FOR ALL YOU LEXIPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS) OUT THERE...

1. A bicycle can't stand-alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

12. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

15. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. Every calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory, which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

25. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

30. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

31. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

32. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.

33. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

34. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

35. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

36. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

37. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.